It feels like I’ve spent all day chasing after toddlers, and now that they’ve finally gone to bed, I’ve got a rare moment to sit down. My hair’s a tangled mess, there are stains on my shirt, and my outfit is a mismatched disaster. I’m so exhausted that falling asleep seems impossible. That pretty much sums up how 2023 has treated me.

I Had A Feeling

To be completely honest, I wasn’t expecting this year to be amazing. I had a gut feeling that it was going to be a rough one. If I were to put a timestamp on it, the last genuinely good moment I can recall was back in June of 2022. June was a bright spot, but it all seemed to go downhill from there. In October, I found myself in a toxic work environment with poor management, which eventually led me to leave a job I had genuinely enjoyed.

Around that time, I was grappling with the decision of whether to stay in my old apartment or renew my lease. I even considered leaving California, but an unexpected situation made me change my plans, and I ended up staying. Looking back, I don’t regret that choice. I’ve realized that my original plans at the time were impractical, and they would have likely left me miserable and full of regrets. While I still plan to leave California someday, it’s going to be a decision made with careful thought, and I’ll be doing it on my own terms.

The period of October and November was a time in my life filled with difficult decisions and harsh truths. In December of 2022, what used to be my favorite month turned into an absolute nightmare, marking the worst Christmas I’ve ever experienced. It felt like every passing month was worse than the one before. In January, I joined a new company that ultimately didn’t live up to its promises, turning my idea of a fresh start into a nightmare.

Better Days Ahead:

However, things wouldn’t stay gloomy for long. A major sports team reached out to me with a job opportunity, and I underwent a rigorous three-month interview process, eventually becoming one of the final two candidates. Around the same time, I had just moved to a new area of the Bay, commuting daily to my current job, and dealing with long hours despite being a manager with no staff.

In April, I had a health scare that landed me in the hospital, marking my third close call with death in the past three years. I then secured a new job and left behind that dreadful place with terrible traffic and strange people. The year that began on such a terrible note started to show some signs of turning around, albeit slowly.

Here we are in November, and I can honestly say that everything I thought I knew about people and myself has been completely overhauled. In a strange yet wonderful way, I can say that I’m genuinely happy for the first time in nearly three years. While I’ve had moments of happiness, it’s been a while since I’ve experienced it entirely on my own.

Just recently, I spent an hour cleaning out my phone and computer, deleting photos and videos without a second thought. Last Sunday, I took three boxes to Goodwill, parting with items I didn’t even realize I’d been holding onto. I set them free, giving them new homes, as my home was no longer theirs.

Something Good Is Coming

Ten years ago, on an early November morning, I made the move to the United States, and here I am, a decade later, making another milestone change in my life. It’s going to be a significant adjustment, and I’m ready for it. I recall a quote I’ve always held dear: “Don’t be in a rush to fix sadness; let it have its moment, allow it to pass.”

Too often, when we feel bad, disappointed, or upset, our immediate response is to try to fix it. After all, who wants to feel miserable? But acting from a place of emotional turmoil often leads to poor decisions and regrets. My longtime friends know that I don’t rush sadness out of my life. When it arrives, I give it a space to stay until it’s ready to leave.

This year has been one of the saddest in my life, but I’m finally ready to bid it farewell. Some positive things emerged from my sadness, one of them being “The Villain Handbook,” a self-care digital planner I created for Good Body Lifestyle. I can’t wait to share more about it.

Wishing you a fantastic weekend, love bugs. May you also give yourself the space to sit with your sadness and let it rest until it’s ready to leave.

xoxo Lauren