It’s been a hot minute since I’ve written a blog post and I have been wanting to write this for weeks. I wanted to talk about something that has been bothering me more and more lately, Imposter Syndrome.
What is it? I had no idea that I was even experiencing it, but when I spoke to my friend about it he diagnosed me with Imposter Syndrome. According to Wikipedia Imposter Syndrome is a psychological pattern in which an individual doubts their accomplishments and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a “fraud”.
I’ve experienced Imposter Syndrome a lot in the past two years. I’ve equated it to me being used to bad people and bad situations for so long, that when I’m not in a bad situation I feel like a fraud. So much of a fraud that I look for the negative in my amazing situations. I get imposter syndrome so bad that even my own marriage sometimes makes me feel like a fraud. Who am I, this isn’t my husband, I have no right to this life. I lose my temper and go off on my husband for no reason at all, all the time. He tells himself I’m mad, ignores me and carries on with his day like normal.
When I did my Master Class with Love Not Likes in Jamaica, last month. Right before the class started, I started shaking uncontrollably right before it was supposed to start. I wasn’t just nervous, I felt like I had absolutely no right to tell anyone anything about personal branding or social media. Yet I spent ten years building my own brand, the brands of others and I work for a top social media company. My own thoughts were so poisonous and loud. If my friend Nicola didn’t arrive when she did and my husband didn’t convince me to calm down, I probably wold have snuck out the back and ran away.
Why does this happen though, why does a person who has all the qualifications for a job, possibly feel like they aren’t qualified at all? This is just something that has been bothering me a lot lately. I find myself not going after many opportunities and even selling myself short, because I feel like Im just not qualified enough. We all experience this, no matter how successful we get or who we are. We will always feel insecure every now and again.
Have you ever experienced Imposter Syndrome?
xoxo LaurenOLauren
This is such a vulnerable post and very relatable. I’ve experienced this…didn’t know what it was until now. Thanks for this lauren.
Thank you so much babe, I’m glad you could relate.
Now I know exactly what it is … I’ve been going through this from the beginning of College; I’m gaduating in a few months and I still feel the same.
Girl I think a lot of us experience this and don’t realize it. Thanks for reading
Gurrll, i totally understand this feeling.
Irrespective of my accomplishments i sometimes feel dumb, or unworthy of them. I belittle what i have achieved.
I am happily married with kids but i consider that as just luck. I recently read for a LLB didnt get the 1st class i wanted and sometimes i have to be convincing myself that i am NOT dumb. I attribute this insecurity to how i was grown. My mom negatively encouraged me. I was told i was dumb so i would work harder, that sort of thing, so i always had to fight doubly hard to be happy and to be successful. I had to overcome the hurdle of telling myself i am not dumb and then try to motivate myself to believe in me.
So though i am blessed i often feel like i am unworthy or i havenot done well enough. Sighs!! That was good therapy. 🙃😹
I can totally relate to everything you’re saying. My mom did the same to me. I think a lot of us from Jamaica had this problem and then we become adults and find it hard to feel like we’ve ever done anything manful with our lives. The struggle.