How do I sound?

More and more the little things in life really starts to matter, maybe its cause we’re all getting old. The things that used to make you jump doesnt make you jump any more because you expect it to happen, you find yourself asking where is the fucking suspense??

If you are anything like me, you ask yourself more times than you should what the fuck am I doing wrong?? Nothing goes according to plan even when you planned for the fuck up. Contrary to what you may believe as I write this blog I  am not upset or annoyed in any way with anyone in particular. Sometimes I wake  up and just find myself thinking about stuff.

Will I end up like my mother, will my kids be alchoholics, will I ever see a pictures of Jesus Christ in shoes instead of gladiator sandals or barefoot? Just stuff, I don’t have a typical mind thank God my mother never restricted me nor my sisters from voicing our opinions about stuff growing up, so I don’t think like a typical person, because from the begining of time i always had freedom of speech. My mother doesn’t believe in “bad words” so now you get what i’m trying to say. Growing up I was urged to have a response to everything, I was never quiet or silent and to be honest people like that make my stomach hurt, why the fuck don’t you have anything to say?

I could talk all day if I wanted to. I could also be quiet, I have days when I dnt want to be around people,  I confine myself to my bedroom and put my phone on silent.

Then I go right back to thinking is this what I really want? If i said fuck off to this, could I find better. Who wants to come second in a race he knows he can come first in? The fucking problem is i’m not sure what my potentials are, I may run again and hurt my ankle therfore never winning nor coming anything, oh dear.

xoxoxoxox Lauren