Usain Bolte adopts a what? a mongrel?

Here I am once again staring wide eyed at a bottle of Red Wine my dearest friend and rock/dance hall/r&b artist, Fahrenheit gave me two years ago for my birthday, I want to open it but I dunno how. When I remember what my friend told me about Usain Bolte the worlds fastest man, with whom I happen to share the same nationality with, any ways this super star from Trewlany, just a little parish here in our third world country, that is battling recession probably a lot worst than the rest of the world. My hero Usain adopts a baby Cheetah, who has lost it’s mother awww! wow Usain, now before you white girls wet your panties and think dam this dude is philanthropic “I wanna fuck him”. Let me explain something for you, There are roads in Trewlany (where he’s from) that need fixing, Basic Schools that need development, there are people who can’t afford to send their children to school, I suppose this isn’t Usain’s problem, he cant save the world can he? Just a baby Cheetah who lost his mother, wow now thanks to Mr Bolte that wild cat will be wearing spotted diapers and feasting on mixes of elephant legs and giraffe penis’s, served in a champagne glass and tooth picks lined with “delish” red cherries.

For three thousand US dollars a year, heck I need someone to adopt me Usain, I have school loans to pay back and if you double the amount I’ll do more than purr and scratch your shoulders “wink wink”

Ummm firstly animals don’t need their mothers to survive, but you wouldn’t know that, i saw it on the Discovery channel, but you don’t get Cable in Trewlany do you? well at least not when you were growing up, for crying out loud they didn’t even have a Burger King, how uncivilized. You should have left the Cheetah alone, it would have probably died and I would have gotten him as a purse for Christmas, thanks to you that’s never going to happen. Leave the animal  adopting to Angelina and Brad, What Usain should have done is ask Carolyn Yapp Miss Jamaica Universe 2009 to carry him to JSPCA (Jamaica Society for the Prevention of Cruelty against Animals) and have him adopt a diam Mongrel dog from over there, it would have cost less than US$3000 a year I’ll tell you that, did you even know about that Society Usain? did you? diam fool.

Well kids what’s the lesson we learnt here today, when you come from a third world country, and you get some money invest it in rubbish and fuck off with the needs of your nation. The local paper today exalted Usain, like he was a hero! He isn’t a hero what he did was foolish, outlandish, immature and makes a spectacle of his supposedly educated back ground. ( I may be wrong about the Education part).

xoxoxoxo Lauren Alexander, wishing to turn into a motherless cheetah by December. ( or at least next year Halloween)