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Onstage with girls of The Crazy Horse Paris for my “Lazy” number.
Oh Dita, you are perfection.
10 Things Most Black men DO NOT know
Believe or not I had another argument with a dam African and it came to my knowledge that there are a lot of things Black Men dont have a clue about so I made a list!! enjoy.
10 things most Black Men don’t know.
(1) That white women wear weave.
(2) That latino women wear weave.
(3) That it doesn’t matter what race a woman is, weave is a personal choice not a racial issue.
(4) There father’s identity.
(5) How to please a black woman.
(6) How to be a father to a black woman’s kids.
(7) That black women like jewelry too.
(8) That Halle Berry is black
(9) That black people dnt need to tan
(10) That white women wear makeup.
If you think this list is bad wait till you see the one I’m putting up tomorrow.
is it bad that i recognize all these pills
A conversation between fools.
- Fool: What do you think came first the chicken or the egg.
- Another fool: I'm sure the egg came first.
- Fool: are you sure you need the chicken to make the egg.
- Another fool: but you need an egg to bring the chicken that will produce the egg.
- Fool: yes you idiot but you need a chicken to produce the egg that will produce the chicken to produce the other dam egg!
- Another fool: I don't see what you're getting at.
- Fool: I don't see your point to be quite honest.
- While the two simple fools argued, the house was on fire because somebody was frying an egg and left it unattended. The tale of two fools, its happened to all of us.
10 Relationship rules.
10 very important rules you must obtain for a relationship to work.
(1) The first three months of your relationship should be almost like a secret being hidden from the tabloids. It should be a need to know basis don’t go blubbering to Mellisa about where he brought you on your first date and how expensive the food was.
(2) Do not ask your friend for advise! Do not ask your friends for advise, even if they seem to be in the perfect relationship or married for 10 years. My grandfather used to say we all love ketchup but some of us put it on the side of our plate, some of us put it on our food and then some of us mix it with mayonnaise,
(3) If you have a particular feeling about something relating to your relationship, talk to the person your in the relationship with. Talking about issues will eventually resolve them.
(4) No relationship is the perfect role model to follow. You don’t have to do everything a typical woman should do, and he doesn’t have to be everything a typical man should be, you two are perfect the way you are for each other. Shelly’s boyfriend may have a 9 to 5 and brings her to the movies religiously every Sunday, but the greatest thing is your boyfriend works all the time for 3 months at a time, then he’s home for 3 months and you go to the movies, beach, dinner, clubbing, trips to the islands everyday.
(5) Do not search each others cell phones.
(6) Do not put a code lock on your cell phone is causes room for wonder.
(7) Texting each other or calling each other through out the day, reminds each other that you still got it.
(8) Don’t introduce children from previous relationships unless its absolutely necessary, give it time you should know the person for more than 6 months.
(9) An ex wife or an ex girlfriend, is it necessary to meet them unless you have kids with them and you’re getting married to this new person! Until then pssshh no need to introduce your ex boyfriend or ex husband.
(10) Remember no rule is written in stone, be you if you can’t be you, its not right.
Xoxox Remember we’re honoring relationships all this week!
Don’t allow him to move you in,
I grew up on a farm my mom and dad were very poor they had 10 children I was the 10th, hahahahahaha not really I just always wanted to say that ahahahaha.
Now let’s go on to another topic which most women find tricky. I’m 23 years old and I have never lived with a man, yes it could be that I’m annoying, problematic and just too dam loud. It could also be that I’m unwilling to put my trust solely into a man and give up my independence. Girls blush when guys move them in they feel special and loved, but the reality of the situation is you’re now climbing up some very high steps and not using the handle bar what happens when you miss a step, he throws you out and moves another one in. Guys who want there girlfriends to live with them are the guys who cheat while playing monopoly and probably owns a pair of loaded dice. They like to be in control, and if there is anywhere that a man can exude his kingly behavior then it would have to be his home, under his roof where you either do as you’re told or get out.
I don’t know why women keep making this mistake, if you live with him there is no need 87% of the time for him to marry you, he’s already getting the benefits of being married to you, he wakes up beside you, you clean, cook, remind him that the cable bill is still unpaid and one day you’ll miss a day on your pill and he’ll get you pregnant. By then your dreams of getting married in Alexander Mcqueen dress will be neatly replaced with hoping he comes home on time because the baby won’t stop crying.
Don’t give up what is due to you ladies, if he says move in say, sure buy me a ring. He’ll think twice if you mean something to him he’ll buy you a ring and think about it, but if you let him move you in and you refer to each other as Husband and wife, well that’s defeating the purpose, if of course you dnt mind being just live in and out girlfriend and boyfriend for the rest of your life. Look at his track record has he always lived with women? How soon does he move them in? How quickly does he move them out?
Being in a mans house creates room for easy “conformity” you now become “property” like the couch and the plasma tv you go with the decor but come next fall you could be the wrong color and may be replaced with next seasons must have, a sleeker, younger, much more willing version.
Like a lot of things in life, you are told never to jump all in except in Vegas of course, when investing money, investors tell you to keep a little back in case the market collapses, a relationship is like an investment it can collapse any time, always have an alternative, would you go to the middle of the ocean and not bring a life jacket if you said yes your like the fool who didn’t prepare. Men like what they can’t have, they want to control what seems impossible, tell him you won’t move in until he makes you feel like its a permanent move, after all you’re not Jehovahs witness there’s no need for you to be roaming from house to house. Tell him you want a ring its not too much to ask for if he’s willing to move you in after all.
There’s an old Jamaican proverb, “see me and come live wid me, a two different thing”
You may spend weeks at a time at his house, but you go ahead and move in there and see what a difference the situation makes. Don’t take my words lightly ladies.
Xoxox Lauren Alexander, smarter than I appear!
Children Aren’t Toys
Its still Relationship week here on LaurenOLauren, and I wanted to point out that some of the best relationships don’t need children! yes I said it a lot of girls, and i’ll say the word Girls think having a baby is great and it probably is when you think about it, but contrary to what you may believe they are not toys or trends that come in and out with the time, they’re fat and smell great for 11 months after they are born and then after that they become hassles. They run around make noise and need things, I don’t know about you but i would rather be watching “will and Grace” that picking up little Mathew from football or bringing Amy to ballerina we both know she’ll never become a god dam ballerina.
You’re seeing a guy for a year and before you know it, your pregnant, well done may I award you with the badge 6Th Baby Mother. Is that really what you want? he hasn’t even moved you in yet and you’re going to give a child. Tell me now he’s already gotten the best gift a woman could give him, why, tell me why would he marry you or move you in he doesn’t have to.
Now all he has to do is move on to hopefully a smarter girl, who has better things to do with her time apart from, hmmmm i dunno give birth.
A relationship doesn’t need a child to prove that it’s working, or that you two are together, nobody needs to really know more than the both of you, and if by chance someone sees you holding hands in public, or sneak a kiss.
Children aren’t toys, they are a permanent responsibility for the rest of your life, when a man can walk away or even be missing, guess who has to stay home and be responsible, the woman, it’s our punishment from God remember that as well as the fact that we may never get an orgasm from time to time.
Do you know what a man means when he says he wants to have children with you? what he’s really saying is, “our sex life is good” nothing more nothing less, you play around with him and tell him you’re pregnant, keep up the game for 2 months if you can, I promise you’ll stop seeing him every day, and probably start seeing him once a week, if by then he doesn’t run away, changed his name and now hangs out with the Dahlia lama. Try it!!
You can be in a relationship for years and kids don’t ever have to get in the picture, if you want kids so bad, buy a cute little puppy!!
xoxoxoxo Lauren Alexander, on a mission to take over the world.
