I can’t believe my birthday, Christmas and the New year has come and gone and I haven’t written my yearly post. But as they say, better late than never, let’s talk about something that I think society shy’s away from: Solitude. Something happened to me last year August, after a very interesting half of 2021, coming up to Good Body Lifestyle’s one year anniversary I started to feel strange. An odd shift in energy within myself.
I love entertaining, I love throwing parties and events, but more than ever I love creating concepts. When I lived in Jamaica it was I did for a good ten years. I’m truly passionate about creating tangible experiences that you can touch, see and feel.
Last August as I was planning Good Body Lifestyle’s one year anniversary party, my small company where I am all the employees. Last minute I decided to cancel, even after ordering hundreds of dollars in custom GBL merchandise. I instead did an Instagram Live at home on my couch, with all my followers and gave stuff away during the Live. A Month later I planned a Halloween movie night because I wanted to wear my costume and I thought it would be more fun than being out in these Covid streets. I currently live alone and I have a cute apartment with tons of amenities. I am so grateful to my friends who came and made the night so much fun, but it was also a reminder of why I didn’t want plan these things anymore.
Now let’s switch gears a bit and talk about my new solo journey. I signed up for a class pass to a bunch of workout classes I have been dying to go to at Barrys. I went and I was surprised at how comfortable I was even though I knew nobody there. I went to the movies by myself and have even started planning trips alone. My point is I went from being the Leader of the Cool Kids, and needing people around so that I could be the life of the party, to just wanting to be cool alone. I spent Thanksgiving alone, made a huge Vegan Christmas dinner, and had every intention of spending my birthday alone too, until my friend decided spending my birthday alone was a desperate cry for a sad person who needed to be rescued.
I had a great time in Arizona with my friend, but this new life of solitude has started feeling really good to me. I love it, I love this not needing to consider anyone else’s time, feelings or budget. I still love an authentic girls night out, and a good girls trips will always hold a special place in my heart. But these days human interaction is getting so stressful. I constantly feel like I have to be explaining myself to people, when if I was alone, I wouldn’t have to explain anything. Everyone is getting worked up and angry and I think it’s because we all need to spend some time alone.
Who would have thought after all these years the socialite would not want to socialize? Now don’t get me wrong I am a natural extrovert and get along great with people. However being alone is bringing me a new wave of inspiration. Mind you I don’t have a lot of time to implement a lot these tings, but soon. We don’t realize how much people’s energies affect us when we are around them. Living on my own for the first time in the United States with no family anywhere near me was a frightening concept for a long time. But now I don’t know how I could go back.
I believe that especially as it relates to women, society tells us in every way they can, that we should never be alone and us being alone is a bad thing. If we are not married, or with kids, don’t have the boyfriend who should be getting ready to propose any day now, then we must have an indestructible gang of girlfriends. Life’s two options for women is an episode of Golden Girls / Sex and the city or The Brady Bunch.
Don’t get me wrong, “No man is an island” and having people around makes a rough world a better place. But it’s also ok to get to know your self and take a much needed break from the outside world. This year I had a Metamorphosis, I am still LaurenoLauren leader of the cool kids, but now more than ever I’m just Lauren and I love it here. I no longer feel the need, urge or pressure to be around anyone but myself.
I love waking up in an empty bed, I love coming home to smell of the candle I was burning the night before. I like going days at a time not turning the tv on and I love turning my phone off. We don’t talk about solitude enough and how important it is. No one will see your vision or believe in you like you believe yourself. For me as a creative person I find that time alone helps me brainstorm.
It’s hard to create when no one understands what you’re doing. I have always felt like I have to over explain what It is I do. I have always had a strange obsession with Marilyn Monroe and its because I feel she also struggled with people not taking her serious.
In conclusion, being alone is fine, feeling lonely is where things get tricky.