I recently revealed that I had Breast Augmentation surgery, no biggie that’s not what this post about. I premiered the video on my Youtube on Friday night with a Live Chat to interact with people watching the video. I had mentioned in the video that I paid for my surgery myself with my money, not my husband’s. Somebody commented saying “If you’re married his money is your money, and your money is his”. I responded by saying sweetie my marriage is not one of those.
So let’s talk, my head came out of the clouds years before I got married. Thank God for that. I don’t have time for fairytales, I know from past experience my heart can’t be trusted. I also want to add, my thoughts and suggestions are always based on my own personal experience and what works and has worked for me. It does not mean it will work for everybody. I think anyone going into marriage thinking, mine is yours and yours is mine especially when we are talking about one of the biggest sins – MONEY is living in La La Land. This blog is aimed at women, PLEAS DON’T BE SILLY. The fairytale only exist in Disney movies. People change, people grow apart and shit happens. You want to make sure you have your own back first.
Nobody plans going into a marriage to get a divorce, we all imagine forever. Men with a reasonable amount of wealth will most likely think about what can go wrong, which is why traditionally it has always been men suggesting that women sign prenups. We all saw what happened to Adelle when she divorced her husband, he walked away with more money than she was worth. Feelings and butterflies are nice, riding off into the sunset on a white horse is nice. But sometimes you have to realistic, I love my husband but I’m not stupid. We have separate accounts and I don’t feel like it’s necessary for any of us to police how much the other person is making. Our bills are always paid on time, we both have amazing credit scores and we aren’t in debt and as far as I’m concerned that’s all I care about. When I need to start policing is when any of that changes. We are both grown people.
Of course marriage is about team work, but put your oxygen mask on first and then help your loved ones. See I pay attention when the flight attendants do their safety briefings, lol. A couple years ago I got myself into a very compromising situation with a boyfriend. I thought after all these years and everything I had done for him, including creating enemies and working 16 hour days, that he would at least have my back on a business level. He put his business, money and friends first. No degree program could have taught me what that experience did.
I have no problem helping my husband because we are a team, but his money is his money and my money is mine. I prefer it like that, it’s easier to manage in my opinion. I’m grinding for myself, so we can have a great life together and he’s doing the same. When this marriage ends, I don’t expect to leave with anything I didn’t come in with. We aren’t talking about if we started a business together or if I catch his ass cheating 🙃🙃.
This blog is just a long ass way of me saying, the older I get the more important it got for me to have my own money. I love to earn it and I love to spend it but most importantly, I love that NOBODY can tell me what to do with it. Don’t ever think because you are riding for someone that they are riding for you the same way. We all ride different and that’s facts.
What are your thoughts on this sound off below.
PS – This does not rule out taking money from a man, TAKE THAT SHIT SIS
My thoughts are… GET IT!!!!! 👩🏾💁🏾♀️💵💵💵
You the boss L.O.L!
No sis you are ❤️❤️ sending you love and light babe.
Takisha Barnes says
Love how candid you are… I am very proud of how direct and logical you are. I learn so much from your stories. Keep being you!
Yay Im so happy to hear that, thanks hon.
I am no where near to being married but this post was everything! When I first read I was like is she preparing for the end of her marriage already? But then I tried to view it from another perspective and you know what, no grown ass person wants to feel guilty about spending their own hard earned money nor have a spouse that is a leech. She said what she said lol
hahahahah already girl, it’s been seven years lol. But no I get you. Money gets complicated in a relationship especially when one person is making all of it.
If I love you one more time! All facts… When I tell people that even if it is 10 dollars to my name, I want a prenup… they dont get it. I see and know my value (my future will be all I want it to be) and my head was thrown out the clouds along time ago so on that note, I see no fairtales, only that the world nuh level and people will always be people first- flawed my nature.
Amen, amen girl. I tweeted a few weeks ago that I had no problem signing a prenup if I married a man with an obscene amount of money, im not going to be lying down in that relationship. I’ll sign ten prenups.
Agreed one hundred and fifty percent!!
I’m in total agreement with you Lauren, my husband and I shared an account for things like vacation, bills, things like that, but I also have my separate account and he does too. More than one actually.
My money is definitely my money and his is his, but I’m still spending some of his lol.
Like you said ” I dont want no body telling me how and when to spend it “.
No fairytale bullshit, I’m a realist and you are right, things and people change.
Secure your own bag.
I like the idea of having an account for vacations. y’all putting me on I never even thought about this, Brilliant.
Great article and awesome advice…..Perfect timing too (I needed it)….. I am definitely going to putting my oxygen mask first!!!! Take care of you because no one else will. So proud of the woman you’ve become.
Thank you so much babe, I appreciate you!!!!! and Yes put your mask on first, or you’ll die putting someone else’s on.
Diandra L says
Completely agree. Even though we have 1 joint account, we both have several personal SEPARATE accounts so in the event sumn happens, I can leave WITH my kids, and take care of them perfectly fine. But I will always say yes when he asks if I want to get my nails done, or a new pair of shoes lol
I really like this idea, the separate accounts for different things, ooooh girl im gonna copy this. This is genius sis!!!!
In total agreement. Just makes for less money issues and arguments. Plus I work too damn hard for my money to let anyone take it or tell me how to spend it. But I still want a very generous man in my life!
Amen to that sister, amen to it all
We all ride different. I asked someone this just yesterday. I recently moved and they were HOUNDING me about if I knew any place for rent (asking for a friend). So I asked, did you go this hard for me when I told you I needed to move? I think not. My conclusion was my version of going hard and theirs wasnt the same which is why I always look out for me FIRST. I am my own priority.
Yup, happens to me a lot too. We all ride different, you just can’t put yourself out of your way too much for others all the time. A few times is ok but too many times makes you a fool.
jovani babi says
I love this because I see this too often. They come on social media about my man has this my man has that so what you have if he leaves your ass? I do the same been married 8 years now. His money is his money and mines is mines. When he short on bills now then I start to ask questions until then we good. But like you said if he giving dont refuse.😁😁
Girl too many girls get it wrong, they marry into money but never make any of their own. The relationship might not always end, but when you dont earn it sometimes you’re held hostage in a shit relationship because of it.
I agree wholeheartedly, we can help each other out of course but let’s save the mergers and the policing. As long as all the Bills are paid we both happy then all is well with the world
Learnt that lesson the hard way too sis
Facts, all facts. Bills paid and that’s all that matters. Im a grown ass woman with a job and you’re a grown man
I agree. I am a legal secretary and trust me this is a common mistake ladies make. If and when they are separated the issue of ‘who did what and earn this’ is always a problem. I believe in I have my stuff and you have yours
Can you preach. It’s too messy when there is a split.Even when there isn’t a split one of the main reasons couples argue is money. Then that arguing leads to a divorce money is a messy thing.