Happy Sunday everyone, it’s 1:44am and I got home from work two hours ago. I have a ten paper page due in a couple hours and I plan to pull an all nighter to get it done. These thoughts have been floating around in my mind so I thought let me write this weeks Girl talk before I lose my train of thought. It’s December my birthday month and because it typically falls (obviously) at the end of the year, this happens to be the time when I do a lot of reflecting, like a lot. Tonight I started thinking about loyalty and trust, over the years I’ve put a lot of trust into people for different reasons of course but trust none the less. For some people you have to prove yourself for them to trust you, I’ll admit I’m not like that. Once I allow you in my space, I trust you and you are innocent until you prove yourself guilty, I’m a trusting person and it has backfired on me too many times to count.
My friend’s enemies become my enemies, heck I just need to know you for five minutes for your enemy to become my enemy. If you’re having a bad day I’ll be the first to call, I wanna help you feel better as soon as possible, you wanna go shopping? let’s go watch Thor on mute or something. I’m not a girl who comes from a very big close knit family and I didn’t really grow up with much of my family near, we were all always miles apart most of the time separated by huge bodies of water. So for me my friends are my family. Friends are like siblings to me, if you’ve met me once just know I will always say hi. I honestly try to be nice to people or I avoid them all together. I’ve grown apart from so many people yet I still wish them all the best, because that’s life. I have come to the truth that people will always do what’s best for THEM, and sometimes that doesn’t include us or our feelings. It’s just the way the world is, it’s not a war against me or you personally it’s survival. Everyone is trying to survive the best way they can, the only way they can and we’re all looking to be fulfilled in some kind of way. If something fills someone they wont stop to think whether it’s necessarily right or wrong or whether its hurting someone else’s feelings. It’s in all our best interest to protect our hearts and if that means laying low and turning off the things that offend us then maybe that’s just what we have to do instead of hoping people will consider us. After all nobody owes you anything right.
I’ve been laying so low these past couple years, that I don’t even know if I can get up lol. I have personally avoided so many situations and places, just trying to protect my energy and my emotions. The truth is I’m still not physically ready to face a lot of things that have scarred me in the past. I haven’t healed yet, but I’m getting there and I’m hoping that I will still have a few good people around me that genuinely mean me well. Sometimes just looking at people and situations from a distance can give you a truly unique experience, what people will say to your face and what they will do behind your back is so scary.